The Fig Tree Vending Machine

Hungry? Just grab it! You see how it works, just like a vending machine. Sure it’s only working a few weeks a year, but nature doesn’t work on our timetable. She does it when ever she bloody well wants! Here are some handy instructions to follow: 1. Approach tree with ripe fruit 2. Pick off…

shanegenziuk

April 2, 2014

1–2 minutes

Fig, garden, gardening

Hungry? Just grab it!

You see how it works, just like a vending machine. Sure it’s only working a few weeks a year, but nature doesn’t work on our timetable. She does it when ever she bloody well wants!

Here are some handy instructions to follow:
1. Approach tree with ripe fruit
2. Pick off the fruit you want to eat
3. Discard any feelings of guilt for not having inserted notes or coins – our fruit vending machine is free
4. Eat fruit
5. Repeat step 4 until:
A. You run out of ripe fruit
B. You eat yourself sick
C. Birds start pecking at your head to show you who the boss really is
D: You have more than one fruit vending machine running at the same time, which means you need to start all over at step one – you poor thing!!

Now how it works good is if you get yourself a whole heap of fruit tree vending machines, and chances are at least one of them will be ‘working’ at any one time. You get it!

4 responses to “The Fig Tree Vending Machine”

TC

April 7, 2014 at 11:47 pm

I love fig. It is amazing to get up and go to the end of your garden and pick a figs. As you say, if you don’t eat them when they are ripe you will only see the skin left next time. Birds are brilliant at knowing which one is ripe. Nice blog with plenty useful tips. Thanks.

LikeLike

Reply
1. shanegenziuk
  
  May 4, 2014 at 6:52 pm
  
  Why thank you for writing TC. Figs are a glorious tree to grow in the garden, but yes those bloody birds know exactly when to get which fruit, and somehow only JUST before I get to them!
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply
Africanaussie

April 3, 2014 at 10:58 am

I have planted out “fruit tree alley” with a couple of small trees which will be espalliered, and a passionfruit vine on the fence, along with strawberry pots. It sure will be nice when my vending machine starts producing.

LikeLike

Reply
1. shanegenziuk
  
  May 4, 2014 at 6:50 pm
  
  Wow that sounds amazing. Have you done espalier trees before or is this the first time? Definitely something that I’d like to try more of in future.
  
  LikeLike
  
  Reply