Give me a squad
I will give you back the house
you grew up in
chasing bees in the summer
with your little brother
his laughter drifts over the grass
and scattered leaves
Give me a platoon
I will give you the school
where you met Wendy
on that day when the rain
soaked her woolen jumper
you both laughed at the smell
how did she learn to smile like that
Give me a division
of fourteen thousand men
I will give you the city
which ignored your ideas
leaving you alone
when you needed friends
should we stop killing
when we get to the children
Give me an army group
of eight hundred thousand men
I will give you a nation
where you decide where cities
and what their names will be
Give me a nation
and if you are patient
I will give you Earth
take every grain of sand
and build a castle to the moon
Give me Earth
I will bring back your mother
smelling like a young woman
she will hold you tight
and say how you became
a good man
and never holding it against you
that you were driving the car
too fast around that bend
then left to cry alone
holding her broken body
on the cold wet asphalt
What more is there to give
Phheeww.. I loved the way it flowed. The end was very sad of course… but sometimes, sadness brings out the best!
A powerful and poignant piece indeed…thank you so much for sharing it , Shane… it’s a pleasure having you here!
Thank you, and I’ll see you guys again soon.
very biblical like presentation with a beautiful personal touch of your own feelings.. nice one!
Yes it does when I think of it. Thank you 🙂
Wow, there was such sadness in reading this beautifully expressed, well penned masterpiece!!!! Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful work with Potluck, your support means so much my friend. Hugs x
I will turn the phrases
giving you glimpses of mysticism
and sensuality cloaked in daggers
where in the pit of my stomach
the venom spills out
pouring over me
burning into my guts. only my guts
I know now what you meant by your comment on my blog. None of us have to keep up with the others. It has be with us. The I, me and whole me.
It is a pleasure to discover your blog. It has been a long time when I responded so spontaneously. Thanks for that.
Many thanks Gautami. It brings me great pleasure to know that my words have had an impact. And I took care of what you wrote to me in that second post, it’s all good 😉
oooh… the crescendo here brings chills; that last verse is like a punch in the guts. awesome.
giving me earth,
I will give back your mother….
love the lines,
Wow. A fabulous treat to greet me, my first read in the day. So grateful!
Your images leap off the page… blended with a bit of disbelief and longing. Perfect grief mix… its been a while since I have experienced loss, but reading your words it is fresh, all over again.
Awesome Julie, it is a great compliment to hear that the words moved you. It’s all I could ever ask for.
Glad to have you with us……
Thanks for sharing!
And thank you for reading 🙂
Whoa man. That was a great piece. I’ve been actively writing most of my life. Lately my focus is on business related stuff and blues/rock songs (I’m in a popular band in NOLA) and I always love to read. I like the juxtaposition of (for lack of a better word) destruction with growth and then at the end you sort of flip it on us. Great work, friend.
Thank you kindly. It is great to hear that coming from a real bluesman.
I envy you Shane. Lovely Fiction is something where I have been a miserable failure. It took me 5 years for me to semi-complete a sci-fi novel I am currently writing and maybe a 10 years more when I actually finish it!
There is no rush to complete your book my friend. When you are ready it will happen, and it looks like you are keeping busy as it is 😉
I wrote and published a lot between 1985 and 1991, including a collection of my published and awarded. So this praise comes from one who knows. very very good, Shane – well done. It evokes exactly what you want it to, without becoming too maudlin or sentimental. I’ll come back to it again, so I’ve bookmarked this.
Who in the world would fail to be impressed by those comments Rosanne. Delighted.
Oh, Shane, this is so sad… I hope it’s fiction! Beautifully written. I wish you wrote more.
Btw I am going to give your link to everyone I know who drinks filter coffee!
Thank you. It is always a treat to hear comments like that from a fellow practitioner, particularly one as good as you. This one seemed to spill onto the screen without me doing much at all, very similar to one I wrote called What are Barriers. Is it fiction?? This story could taken several ways, and I normally keep a certain distance from the characters, so the final interpretation rests with yourself. I’m sure there are many people out there that wish they could silence their inner demons, so to speak.
As for the coffee grounds and Ground to Ground, love your work. Spread the word!!
Yes! I remember that one and it also impressed me so much. I also prefer the reader to make his own assumptions. Isn’t it funny though how some seem to write themselves… That’s not aways the case with mine though I wish it were! Take care.