Ground to Ground

Brewing you serves of joy since 2010

All I Have

I would smash in my face if I had a hammer bad enough for you to say sorry for leaving me that night our neighbors watching like they knew something I didn’t then you turned my son against me until he refused to stay over every second Wednesday Sundays till 2 and for all those…

shanegenziuk
1–2 minutes

I would smash in my face
if I had a hammer
bad enough for you to say sorry
for leaving me that night
our neighbors watching
like they knew something I didn’t
then you turned my son against me
until he refused to stay over
every second Wednesday
Sundays till 2
and for all those days in court
selling everything I had
didn’t make them send you back
then you found love without me
maybe after everything
you would still say sorry
but I don’t have that hammer
all I have
is this bottle of drain cleaner

 

22 responses to “All I Have”

  1. cjschlottman Avatar
    cjschlottman

    This piece is powerful, crisp and clipped with great imagery. Great writing!

    thanks…………..cj

    Reply
    1. shanegenziuk Avatar
      shanegenziuk

      You are very welcome CJ.

      Reply
  2. jennymatlock Avatar
    jennymatlock

    Powerful.

    Current.

    Evocative.

    Wow. I was shocked to start reading this. You so perfectly express what I would perceive these emotions to feel like. Your short, sharp sentences express the anger much more poignantly then a picture every could.

    I am impressed where you took this prompt and more impressed still that you made us all feel…horror, unease, worry, concern…in such a short little gem of a free-form narrative you made us all feel.

    And that is quite something.

    Thank you for linking.

    Reply
    1. shanegenziuk Avatar
      shanegenziuk

      I’m honoured to have that as a comment on this site.

      Reply
  3. adeeyoyo Avatar
    adeeyoyo

    Wow, Shane, this is excellent writing. It is so convincingly worded – brilliant, superlative!

    Reply
    1. shanegenziuk Avatar
      shanegenziuk

      Thanks Denise, the extreme characters are normally the easiest ones to represent, so he kind of did the work for me 😉

      Reply
  4. Kat Avatar
    Kat

    What a powerful use of the prompt. You can feel the desperation and anger in every word. Beautifully done!

    Reply
    1. shanegenziuk Avatar
      shanegenziuk

      Cheers Kat, I would never want to be in that position. Alone and desperate, not good at all.

      Reply
  5. Annas Adornments, Sweden Avatar
    Annas Adornments, Sweden

    Oh dear me.
    Please tell me that this is fiction.
    The words used here are very, very strong. I hope that by using strong words, they will not be real.
    This expresses hurt feelings so that the reader is not just ‘touched’ but almost knocked out.
    Words can have great power.
    I hope that you can use words, your powerful words, in a constructive way too.
    Words can also build bridges and mend broken hearts.
    Yes, a hammer can smash, but it also help build something.
    Please tell me this is fiction.
    If so, you have a great power of imagination and empathy.
    Please use it to build rather than to destroy.

    Best wishes,
    Anna

    Reply
    1. shanegenziuk Avatar
      shanegenziuk

      Anna, yes this is fiction. If you read through my other stories you will find similar themes, where I am try to build a picture of what our world actually looks like. Everything is hidden, tucked away behind doors, protected, denied. Don’t loose face, don’t be out of money, out of love, out of friends, unhappy.
      This story is based on a true outcome. How did it come to that, that a man felt he could do nothing else besides drink a horrible poison and succumb to it over many hours? Even his call for help was ignored. What does that say about us.
      I’m not sure how to write any different to help build a better world. Maybe when I get through these stories that will come, and there seem to be many more waiting.

      Reply
  6. nimaruichi Avatar
    nimaruichi

    Please put the drain cleaner where it belongs – in the drain.
    🙂

    Reply
  7. Cheryl Avatar
    Cheryl

    Eek! This is one angry. Hope it’s a work of fiction.

    Reply
  8. Robyn Avatar
    Robyn

    Wow, that’s very poignant. I especially like the reference to drain cleaner. That says it all.
    xoRobyn

    Reply
  9. Judie Avatar
    Judie

    Yikes! I hope this isn’t about you!!

    Reply
  10. gautami tripathy Avatar
    gautami tripathy

    I forgot to mention, I found Saturday Centus via your blog. Thanks!

    Reply
  11. gautami tripathy Avatar
    gautami tripathy

    If you find that hammer again, send it to me. I need it too..
    BTW, drain cleaner is no good!

    http://firmlyrooted.blogspot.com/2010/10/that-hammer.html

    Reply
  12. Viki Avatar
    Viki

    Hopefully, this person realizes nothing is so bad that they need to injure themselves. I can tell this person is in much anguish but they have to look to the future and figure out how to live again.

    Reply
  13. claudia Avatar
    claudia

    This jumps out at the reader, the angst grabs the reader by the throat…good job.

    Reply
  14. Terra Avatar
    Terra

    yikes an icky situation for sure…plus there was that lady that actually put drain cleaner on her face (ouch)…I am with Deborah and hoping this is fiction for you but also thinking the writing was great!

    Reply
  15. Teresa Avatar
    Teresa

    How horrible. It’s so sad that people find themselves in such situations with powerful emotions they don’t know how to control. Great job of capturing desperation (and I hope it isn’t inspired by your real life).

    Mine is here. http://razzamadazzle.wordpress.com/2010/10/09/saturday-centus-2/

    Reply
  16. Deborah Avatar
    Deborah

    Oh my!! very well written and powerfully expressed!

    Reply
    1. shanegenziuk Avatar
      shanegenziuk

      Yes thank you all. I am happily married and don’t even own a hammer. There was a story recently about a guy that drank drain cleaner and died from it. It didn’t help that waited 3 hours for the ambulance. What made him do that? What was his motivation to do something so desperate, so painful? This is what I was trying to explore.

      Reply

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